Archive - ASS News

U.S. Senate Adopts New “Work-From-Deathbed” Policy

Out: WFH, In: WFD

11 hrs ago • AJ Alkire

Exclusive: Taylor Swift Uses Wedding Vows to Tease New Album

Swifties rejoice!

Jul 4 • AJ Alkire

Awww: Babies Born On Fourth of July 2026 To Receive Commemorative “America 250” Tattoo

Let freedom sting!

Jul 3 • AJ Alkire

Ally Does Conversion Therapy "The Other Way" For Pride Month

And he's just returned from his trip.

Jul 1 • AJ Alkire

April 2026

ASS NEWSLETTER (#1): Is Trump Going to Hell???

Play pious games, win pious prizes

Apr 2 • AJ Alkire

At a Loss For Words, Local Man Describes Watching His Wife Give Birth as "Lynchian"

Best day of his life came to a screeching halt

Apr 1 • AJ Alkire

36 Year-Old Adult Rec League Phenom Good Enough to Play With 40 Year-Olds

Welcome to the big leagues

Apr 1 • AJ Alkire

Judge in Tiger Woods Case Explains Yelling “FORE” Just Before Crash Not a Valid Legal Defense

FORE, FORE, FORE, FORE, FORE!

Apr 1 • AJ Alkire

4 Ways Non-Dodger Fans Can Have Fun With This MLB Season

Welp... pack it up

Apr 1 • AJ Alkire

Villain, Father, Meme or Icon? Why Not All Four?

Our exclusive sit down with Bowser

Apr 1 • AJ Alkire

After Losing Disney IP, OpenAI Acquires Rights to StarKist Mascot, Charlie the Tuna

Will they acquire other iconic characters?

Apr 1 • AJ Alkire

Got 'Em! Gavin Newsom Calls Republican Dressed in Easter Attire a "Homo"

Fighting fire with fire, right?

Apr 1 • AJ Alkire

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