5 of My Finest Friends and Their Combat Skills You’ll Have to Overcome to Date My Daughter

Get ready... to get beat the hell up!

Oct 2 • AJ Alkire

September 2026

President Trump Orders Twin Tower Lights to Be Lowered to Half Mast

Respect.

Sep 12 • AJ Alkire

BREAKING: Dog’s Out!

Darcy!

Sep 9 • AJ Alkire

LA Clippers Scouts Begin “Star Hunting” at Local ‘10 and Under’ AAU Tournament

Their focus has shifted, but the goal remains the same

Sep 3 • AJ Alkire

1

Happiest Day of Life Slightly Derailed as Man Briefly Thinks of Scene From “My Dog Skip” When Frankie Muniz Hits Skip

A person’s wedding day should be one of the best days of their life.

Sep 2 • AJ Alkire

August 2026

ALERT: Last Day to Become Presbyterian! No More New Presbyterians After Today!

The religious denomination has reached capacity

Aug 28 • AJ Alkire

Report: Hitting Not Contagious; Son Just Sucks At Pitching

No ice cream for this kid!

Aug 26 • AJ Alkire

MLB Sets Game To Be Played At Iconic Ballpark From 2011 Film "Moneyball"

Initiative to re-create Coliseum is underway

Aug 21 • AJ Alkire

2

Seedy Vibe Takes Over Watch Party as Sports Broadcast Lingers On Young Woman

For twenty-three uninterrupted seconds

Aug 19 • AJ Alkire

1

July 2026

“He’s Obviously Joking” Says Man As President Trump Points Gun At Your Face

“Oh my god, you actually think he’s serious?!”

Jul 28 • AJ Alkire

1

Amid Cyclospora Outbreak, Taylor Farms Sends Company-Wide Memo Banning Congratulatory Ass Slaps

The customary gesture is now retired

Jul 22 • AJ Alkire

The Odyssey Available In Kurt-Vision Format; Includes Original Animated Character ‘Kurt’ in Bottom Corner

The fun-loving character was created by Christopher Nolan himself!

Jul 15 • AJ Alkire