Archive - ASS News

ASS NEWSLETTER (#1): Is Trump Going to Hell???

Play pious games, win pious prizes

Apr 2 • AJ Alkire

At a Loss For Words, Local Man Describes Watching His Wife Give Birth as "Lynchian"

Best day of his life came to a screeching halt

Apr 1 • AJ Alkire

36 Year-Old Adult Rec League Phenom Good Enough to Play With 40 Year-Olds

Welcome to the big leagues

Apr 1 • AJ Alkire

Judge in Tiger Woods Case Explains Yelling “FORE” Just Before Crash Not a Valid Legal Defense

FORE, FORE, FORE, FORE, FORE!

Apr 1 • AJ Alkire

4 Ways Non-Dodger Fans Can Have Fun With This MLB Season

Welp... pack it up

Apr 1 • AJ Alkire

Villain, Father, Meme or Icon? Why Not All Four?

Our exclusive sit down with Bowser

Apr 1 • AJ Alkire

After Losing Disney IP, OpenAI Acquires Rights to StarKist Mascot, Charlie the Tuna

Will they acquire other iconic characters?

Apr 1 • AJ Alkire

Got 'Em! Gavin Newsom Calls Republican Dressed in Easter Attire a "Homo"

Fighting fire with fire, right?

Apr 1 • AJ Alkire

Nick Shirley Concludes Weeks-Long Investigation On How to Say Big Word

Sound it out, big guy

Apr 1 • AJ Alkire

Four More Democrats Enter California Governor Race

"Together, we can save this state from Republicans!"

Apr 1 • AJ Alkire

November 2025

MLB Team Owners Vote to Sim 2026 Season, Skip to 2027 Lockout

Let’s negotiate, baby

Nov 3, 2025 • AJ Alkire

October 2025

Uh Oh: Husband Reveals Dog Costume is Most Comfortable He’s Ever Felt In His Own Skin

“Call me Rocky when I have this on”

Oct 31, 2025 • AJ Alkire

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