U.S. Senate Votes to "Old Yeller" Mitch McConnell

"He just doesn't have his fastball anymore."

Mitch McConnell froze again this week.

It's the second time in a matter of months the Senate Minority Leader rested his jowls and entered rest-mode while in the middle of a press conference.

Many fellow senators are concerned and a small batch of senators believed McConnell was merely "showing off his filibustering skills." According to one anonymous senator, the Senate Minority Leader is famous for showing off his filibustering tactics:

"If you catch him in the hallways, or restroom, or whatnot, he's known to say something like, 'Hey fellas: wanna see me go?' and he'll proceed show you a myriad of obstruction tactics he could use to filibuster.

He once went on for 30 minutes talking about each circle of Hell and the demons that occupy them: the demon's personalities, their looks, and what he rates them out of 10. So, that to say, when he went quiet at the press conference, I truly believed he was just teasing a new trick."

However, that was not the case. Mitch McConnell froze because he is old and the Senate has responded with their solution: the "Old Yeller" method. The Senate held a vote just before the weekend and they voted 80-to-19 in favor to "Old Yeller" Mitch McConnell. The date has yet to be determined.

Reactions from fellow politicians are pouring in. Most recently, a regretful President Biden stated, "He's the best man I've ever known."