Purgatory Shifts To ‘Standing Room Only’ Until New Pope Is Selected
A bit backed up on the admin side.
After the passing of Pope Francis on Monday, many Catholics are now waiting in anticipation for the selection of a new Pope.
The election process typically starts 15-20 days after the passing of a Pope and the process itself could take weeks.
While many of us ‘alive human beings’ have the luxury of waiting that election process out, there are a group of souls who don’t have that luxury: those waiting in Purgatory.
Sources say Purgatory is currently “hella packed” and is “standing room only,” due to there being no Pope to grant indulgences.
When asked for comment, one of the administrative workers in Purgatory said, “We’re not running out of room. We’re just kindly asking those here to stand so we can make space for others since we’re a bit backed up on the paperwork side of things.”
While the admin workers reassured us of the calm, orderly state of Purgatory, the poor, holy souls said it was anything but:
“No, it’s chaos down here. Or up here? I don’t know.
There’s even some confusion as to where we are.
Some guy keeps saying ‘we’re fine - this is Heaven,’ and it’s like, you really think Heaven would have Hulu with ads? Trust me brother, if we’re seeing the ads, we’re not in Heaven.”
Of course, once a new Pope is selected, operations will resume as normal and indulgences will be granted, clearing up space in Purgatory.
The admin worker we spoke to said they’re excited about operations resuming, and they’re looking forward to continuing renovation projects they had to place on hold:
“We were almost done with the Lemonade when this all happened, so we’re excited to get that going again. Finally getting a Lemonade.”