New 'GOP Bible' Comes With Black Highlighter
Ted Cruz, Pete Hegseth, everyone's using it!
This week we’ve seen Ted Cruz justify his geopolitics with a Bible verse he couldn’t cite, and Pete Hegseth say, "I'd be careful what you read in books and believing it. Except for the Bible," to justify his politics.
With so many Christians in the world, how is it that leaders of the Republican Party, and the Republican Party at large, arrive at the positions they do? Well, now we have our answer:
The GOP Bible is a version of the Bible that is provided to all Republican leaders upon entering any political race.
What is the GOP Bible?
The GOP Bible is an English Standard Version of the Bible that comes with a black highlighter that allows Republicans to omit parts they don’t like.
How are GOP leaders using it?
Ted Cruz uses the GOP Bible to justify bombing Iran, saying the Bible charges him to stand with the nation of Israel - a position he justifies using the Abrahamic Covenant in Genesis 12:3.
With the black highlighter, Cruz can omit all other covenants that come after the Abrahamic Covenant, and focus on this old, outdated, cherry picked verse to maintain he’s following God’s word in bombing Iran.
But what about Exodus 20:13 which says, "You shall not murder"?
Easy. Simply use the black highlighter over that verse and now it’s gone! It doesn’t even exist anymore!
Charlie Kirk uses the GOP Bible to maintain we should not tax the wealthy as it violates two of the Ten Commandments:
"You shall not steal," and "You shall not covet."
What Kirk does is he highlights in black Matthew 22:21 and Romans 13:6-7, which could both be interpreted as Biblical charges to pay taxes.
Once highlighted in black, they don’t exist anymore!
Are there any verses that are highlighted in black by default?
Yes, the GOP Bible comes with a couple of verses already highlighted in black:
Mark 12:31
"The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these."
Exodus 20:14
"You shall not commit adultery."
Another banger