My Avatar Still 5'10" and Ugly - Why?
Oh god, please no. Why am I the only short Avatar?! What the heck!
It was a Tuesday morning when I received the email: "You've Been Selected to Turn Into An Avatar!"
Time stopped.
Prior to my transformation, I wanted nothing more than to become an Avatar. I would often tell my 8-year-old nephew, "I want to be an Avatar so fucking bad." He replied, "You know they're called Na'vi, right?" and that's when I learned they were actually called the Na'vi.
I became obsessed with every aspect of Na'vi culture: their blue skin, their tall frame, their wiry tails. They were everything I wanted to be.
The email instructed me to arrive at an address in Arcadia and to bring a cashier's cheque for $1,500. Upon Google searching the address, I found that the location was once a sensory depravation tank business that was now "Temporarily Closed." Although some would be wary of these details, I was willing to look past them because I wanted to be a Na'vi more than anything in this world.
The next day I showed up to the address with my cashier's cheque and was greeted by a Na'vi expert named Denis Petrovosky. Denis handed me headphones, a water cap and told me to climb into a dark tank before saying, "Enjoy Pandoru," and closing the tank door. The tank had shallow waters for me to lie in - a familiar environment for the Metkayina Na'vi.
The next thing I knew, Denis was welcoming me back to my Earthly body. As I dried off, Denis handed me a photo of me in my Avatar body. While I did not remember the memories shown in the photograph, I was ecstatic to see myself in my Avatar body right next to Jake Sully. The only problem? My Avatar was still 5'10" and ugly! I was mortified. Had I met Corporal Jake Sully looking like that? While all the other Na'vi were tall enough to dunk basketballs, was I not tall enough to dunk basketballs? Was I swimming slower due to my short, stubby limbs? There was no way of knowing since I could not remember a single thing from my time on Pandora.
Although my experience left me somewhat disappointed, I cannot stop refreshing my email in hopes of seeing another invite to Pandora; in hopes of getting another chance to be a Na'vi.