Local Gay Hits Magic Number to Qualify For Prep

Finally, the sweet Prep nectar is all his.

In what some are celebrating as the biggest gay accomplishment since George Santos was elected to Congress, one local gay has hooked up with enough desperate homosexuals to qualify for the iconic HIV prevention drug, Prep.

James Jenkins, a former flight attendant, hit the magic number of five-partners-a-month on one “magical night” with a “beautiful boy” who “blew” him behind a dumpster.

This celebration comes just one year after Jenkins got the devastating news from his doctor that he was ineligible to receive the sweet Prep nectar. Jenkins' doctor informed him that a person should average around 5 different sexual partners per month to qualify for Prep. This news wasn’t received well by Jenkins as he was averaging 0 sexual partners per month at the time. However, after hooking up with Sammy, Stan, Scrappy, Solomon, and finally Pete, Jenkins will soon claim his new prescription. Jenkins has come a long way since then and says, “I never thought I was going to see this moment. I’m just thankful my parents cheered me on every step of the way.”

The achievement didn’t come without controversy, however, as there were questions about the validity of one of Jenkins' five hook ups. According to gaynews.com, Jenkins was so drunk during one of his hook ups that he was not able to hold an erection. Jenkins countered, that because he got fingered, it counted as a hookup. The dispute had to be settled by the Fire Island board of directors, as they stated, “the hookup happened in our juris-dick-tion. The board ultimately decided 5-4 in favor of Jenkins.

When Jenkins received the news about the decision, he said, “getting this win really helped me understand how Marsha felt when she threw the first brick at Stonehenge. I could have lied, but I earned this the honest way.”

When asked what Jenkins’ plans were for the future he said, “I just wanna do what I can to stay in the Prep user world,” adding, “Getting here is the easy part; it’s staying here that I gotta figure out.”