Is It Just Me, Or Since Coming Back From Space, Has Katy Perry Been… Acting Different?
Have you noticed…
On Monday morning the Blue Origin tech company launched a crew into space comprised of six women: Gayle King, Lauren Sanchez, Aisha Bowe, Amanda Nguyen, Kerianne Flynn, and popstar Katy Perry.
The crew’s mission lasted roughly 11 minutes and took them far enough into space where they experienced weightlessness for about 4 minutes.
Upon their return, the crew seemed filled with a euphoric joy; the type you experience when you can afford to go to space for 11 minutes.
But one member seemed off: Katy Perry.
After studying Perry’s off kilter disposition, her crouched stance and elongated skull, it hit me:
Oh my god. That’s not Katy Perry. That’s a xenomorph pretending to be Katy Perry.
But how is no one else clocking this?! Am I gaslighting myself? I rubbed my eyes with my fists to make sure I was seeing this right.
Yup, that’s a xenomorph dressed as Katy Perry and everyone’s buying it!
And now he just collected her belongings and hopped in a car with Orlando Bloom! Even Orlando can’t tell?! Guess Hollywood is full of phony couples after all.
“To Rodeo Drive. I’ve got some Earth shopping to do,” said the xenomorph as he thumbed through Katy Perry’s various credit cards.
As their car drove off, I looked through the car window and saw the xenomorph kiss Orlando Bloom on the mouth. This is one tricky fucker.
Since I was the only one to see this xenomorph’s true identity, I felt responsible to end his charade.
But just as I was about to DM PopCrave with the tip, I received a push notification from one of Katy Perry’s social media accounts:
“In celebration of the 15th anniversary of my album Teenage Dream, I’ll be releasing a sequel album called Adult Dream! Out May 9th!
Here’s the first single: Firework in Space.”
I clicked play on the video and it was the xenomorph dressed as Katy Perry singing “Firework in Space” from the car.
It was beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.
One of the best “Katy Perry” songs I’ve heard in my life and the fans in the comments agreed.
That’s when it hit me: if the xenomorph makes everyone happy - Orlando, the fans - who am I to ruin that?
So, I’ll keep my mouth shut and Katy Perry’s secret will be mine to keep. I’m trusting you, the reader, will keep this secret as well.
Selfishly, if we do keep this secret, we get Adult Dream on May 9th!!