“He’s Just a Kid” Says JD Vance of Senile Old Man Muttering Slurs
“Kids do stupid things”
JD Vance is a supporter of free speech.1 Plain and simple.
That’s why, when a group text leaked earlier this week from a group called the “Young Republicans”2 filled with Holocaust jokes, Hitler praise, and racial slurs, JD Vance defended the rhetoric, explaining, “That’s what kids do,” despite the fact that the people in that group chat were aged 26-32.
It was no surprise, then, when later in the week, Vice President Vance was spotted at a local retirement home, holding a press conference to defend a senile, old man who blurts out slurs.
Said Vance, “He’s just a kid. This is what young boys do.”
When a reporter asked Vance where these young boys learn this rhetoric, Vance responded, “From the movies probably. In fact, I come here to this retirement home once a week and put on my favorite comedy, Gran Torino. Eastwood gives a comedic performance for the ages. It gets me every time.”
Vance then doubled down his defense of the 89 year-old, slur-muttering man, saying, “You know, this young boy’s edgy humor is typical for a kid his age and shame on you for not allowing him time to learn and grow.”
Vice President Vance took issue with the fact that this, of all things, is what the media is focusing on. “There are much more important issues going on right now. There’s the Super Bowl Halftime Show and there’s the declining sperm count in our teen’s semen, to name a couple.
You all have your priorities out of whack!”