Here Are 4 Ways the MLB Can Make the All-Star Game Fun Again
The 2023 MLB All-Star Game presented by Mastercard could use some butt plugs.
The MLB All-Star Weekend kicks off today with the first day of a five day slate packed with games and events for everyone. The weekend all leads to the grand finale - the 2023 MLB All-Star Game presented by Mastercard.
The recent reception to the MLB All-Star Game presented by Mastercard has been mixed. Some fans hate the lack of stakes in the game, some fans hate the consistent lopsided victories, and some fans just hate how the MLB players dress on the red carpet. All that to say, the MLB All-Star Game presented by Mastercard could use an injection of fun and excitement and we have a few suggestions:
1) Players should be selected based on personality, not talent.
Let's face it, MLB players are a bore. Listening to an interview with a baseball player is like listening to an interview with a local politician - they're mostly dry and they give the exact answer you'd expect them to give.
What's that? You just stacked a few cups on top of someone's hat? Congratulations, you're now the most fun guy in the dugout.
Cancel the red carpet while we're at it. I'm not about to watch a 40-something midwestern man show up to a fashion cam in jeans and a button up... at 11 AM... the Red Carpet Show runs from 11:00AM - 12:30PM... just end it.
2) One player per team has a butt plug in and the opposing manager has to guess who it is.
Yes, one player from each All-Star team has to play the entirety of the game with a butt plug in. If at any point the other team's manager can identify who the plugged individual is, they get 1 run automatically. They only get one guess.
This wrinkle in the game instantly becomes the most interesting part of the game. Vegas will have odds on this - you'll be able to bet on who's plugged, if the plugged person will be identified, etc..
3) Design the field to resemble the stadiums of Mario Baseball.
I'm talking fiery, moving obstacles, pesky rascals interfering with live play, and even ghosts. Let's get creative with the the shape of the field! Throw a sand pit out there! Hell, let's consider elevating the field 10 feet and if you fall, you fall. It's all on the table.
4) The losing pitcher and the hitter with the most amount of strikeouts get a Variety expose written about their liked tweets.
Favorite player just strikeout the most in the MLB All-Star Game presented by Mastercard? Well then we're about to find out a lot more about them. One writer from Variety will be tasked with writing an expose about said player's liked tweets. All of their beliefs we don't want to know about will come to light.
Hopefully this will heighten the level of play by putting a fire under the ass of every All-Star.
The 2023 MLB All-Star Game presented by Mastercard airs on Tuesday, July 11th at 5PM PT on FOX.