Guide for Talking Politics at Thanksgiving
A comprehensive guide to see if you should pop off this Thanksgiving.
This Thanksgiving is a tricky one to navigate when it comes to conversation topics. Any topic can feel like a path towards a heated political debate. That’s why ASS News has put together the comprehensive Guide for Talking Politics at Thanksgiving.
Simply select your answers below and you’ll receive the best guidance for your situation:
Are you a blood relative of the person hosting the Thanksgiving get together?
Do you typically agree politically with the host?
How do you know the host then?
How long have you been married into the family?
Unfortunately, you’ll have to pipe down this Thanksgiving.
Your time may come, but it’s not this year. Wait until you’ve married into the family and have solid footing before going toe-to-toe with the host. If it’s looking like the relationship won’t make it to marriage, see here.
Pump the brakes, Speed Racer.
You may be a dear friend of the host, but let’s not get crazy.
It’s probably best to keep your mouth shut and say something like, "What’s everyone thankful for this year?" That way, maybe someone else brings up the topic of politics and now they’re the asshole.
You can provide subtle responses to other person’s comments while allowing yourself the out of, "I didn’t bring it up!"
What are you, insane?
You’re going to talk politics with a co-worker who’s hosting you for Thanksgiving?
Things are about to get real uncomfortable with your co-worker, so you better get real comfortable with the layout and functionality of Indeed.com.
Get out!
You don’t know the host of the Thanksgiving you’re at?
Get out of there!
You don’t see the turkey being prepared?
They’re plotting to cook and eat you for Thanksgiving! Get out of there!
You can’t find the front door?
Call 911! Get out of there!
You don’t have a signal and the host just asked, "Who are you calling?"
Run! Shove the host down and get out of there!
The host’s balance and reflexes are top-tier and they’re already back on their feet chasing you?
Run faster! Get out of there!
You found an ajar window that leads to the side yard, and it’s level to the ground, and you realize you’re in a basement?
Squeeze through that window, get out of there!
The host grabs your leg as you’re almost out of the window and says, "Where are you going? We haven’t even had dessert yet."?
Kick them in the face and run! Get out of there!
You made it out the window, and you’re running away, and you finally have phone service, and you call the cops?
Nice. Hell yeah. Good job. Don’t go to Thanksgivings where you don’t know the host again.
Your time will come, but today is not the day.
You’ve got to put your time in. Learn to swim in the shallow end (sports, entertainment, etc.) before diving in the deep end (politics, Uncle Jason’s divorce, etc.).
Fire Away!
Let the comments fly! The host knew what they were doing when they invited you. You can take some risks!
If things turn awkward, say "Who wants pie?" and serve the first piece to the person you were arguing with. When handing them the piece of pie, say, "Relax, would ya? It’s pie time after all."
Let the Good Times Roll!
Feel free to say whatever you want! You’ve got the green light here!
If anyone doesn’t like what you say, you just say, "Well, I think [Host] would back me on this one" and bring them into it.
They’re the host! The big kahuna! They’re word is gospel in that house!
If the host refuses to back you, say, "Eh, likely story coming from a host like you. It’s not even warm enough in here. I’m cold." This will psychologically scramble the host’s mind, giving you the upper hand.
There’s no losing!