Amid Cyclospora Outbreak, Taylor Farms Sends Company-Wide Memo Banning Congratulatory Ass Slaps
The customary gesture is now retired
EXCLUSIVE - In an internal memo distributed this morning, Taylor Farms has informed employees they are banning congratulatory ass slaps.
An anonymous insider tells us that ass slaps are a part of company culture at Taylor Farms and a customary gesture to show support and appreciation. According to this recent memo, however, that piece of company culture will soon be lost to history.
The memo from CEO Bruce Taylor says that while the company “maintains that Taylor Farms is not the source of the cyclospora outbreak, it’s probably best [they] move to a more hygienic congratulatory gesture.”
The CEO then calls for all employees to stop administering congratulatory ass slaps, and instead consider giving a co-worker “a handshake or a cash tip” to show your support.
The memo can be read in full below:
Employees of Taylor Farms have mixed reactions, and understandably so; this is their company culture.
In response to the memo, some employees gave their comment under the guise of anonymity:
“I’m want to quit. I want to die.”
“This is cowardice. Cowardice to the nth degree.
You think Taco Bell is banning ass slaps? Grow up.”
“I’m glad this is happening.
I’m so good at my job that I consistently go home with a red ass. This will be a much needed break for my ass.”
We should note that one employee provided a comment that said, “This is too woke even for me.” However, once we told the employee the comment was anonymous and therefore people wouldn’t be able to contextualize who “me” was, they told us to “just trash it.”
Taylor Farms maintains they are not the source of this cyclospora outbreak and continues to search for others to blame.