50 Thoughts Ahead of NFL Week 6
We're heading into Week 6 of the NFL and I have thoughts - 50 of them.
The New York Jets will face the Buffalo Bills on Monday night - the Jets first game since firing their head coach, Robert Saleh. While I don’t think their season is going to turn around, it’ll be interesting to see if their offense operates any differently in the next couple of games.
Drake Maye is making his first official NFL start for the New England Patriots (who are now cursed with forever comparing QB prospects to Tom Brady) and will go up against the Houston Texans who have the #4 overall defense and #3 passing defense. It’ll be quite the test for the rookie; let’s see what he’s made of.
The last animal they test makeup on before it’s market ready must look great.
The arrogance of a restaurant to have a “secret sauce.”
Ja’Marr Chase is putting together a MVP worthy campaign and is going up against a middling Giants defense. I’m looking forward to seeing if he can keep up his production.
“Catch and release! Don’t worry!” - Me after someone calls me out for swooping up the neighborhood cats & dogs.
They did a study once and 10% of people in Saw traps offer Jigsaw sex, so if you were thinking that’s your way out… think again. He has plenty of options.
They need to make a “Like Mike” style movie but for a NBA glue guy who steadily makes good money on respectable contracts.
The San Francisco 49ers and Seattle Seahawks will be going head-to-head in an interdivisional matchup that can either create a bit of separation for Seattle, or create the most mediocre tie atop the NFC West. It’s a Thursday night game, so the score will be settled by the time this comes out, but I’m looking forward to this game to kickoff Week 6.
Don’t allow pride to keep you from enjoying Crocs.
If Judas just kept his mouth shut, there’d probably be a bunch of people named Judas today. There’d 100% be a MLB prospect named Judas.
Disney+ is raising prices? The mouse like-ah the cheddah.
They’re back! Lonely Island are back!
Psyching myself up in the bathroom before pitching the American Idol producers on an Electoral College voting process.
The Baltimore Ravens vs. the Washington Commanders should be a high scoring game with the two of the best offenses so far this season. The Ravens have the slight edge here for being a better red zone offense, but this game should be atop everyone’s watch list on Sunday.
Don’t let me write a children’s book, I’ll put chapters in that shit.
Going to start texting friends “OHY” for “Oh hell yeah,” and see if I can get it to catch on. See if I’m of any influence to my friends.
You think Jeff Probst is always distracted at dinner because he’s thinking up little games?
Beyblades were sold to us under the false assertion that they were functionally different; that some had certain strengths and unique abilities. Ladies and gentleman, I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, but they were all more or less the same.
Scrappy Doo. Really put him in his place with that name.
The existence of Santa would shake up geopolitics. He’d be a coveted ally.
The Lions play the Cowboys this week. They both have 3 wins and are looking to build on that. Detroit is well rested off a bye week, and Dallas should be hyped up off a late game win against the Steelers last week. It’s a game that will (maybe unfairly) decide the narrative for these two teams. Is Dallas a powerhouse or forever a struggling contender? Is Detroit starting off slower than expected, or are they getting back on track?
"Ka-Chow? Sorry, I don’t speak car." - Bigot in the Pixar world.
I think I can be the one to make Tupperware better, but I need a sabbatical to focus.
You know what? I give a fuck about an Oxford comma.
An Ode To The Mets indeed!
Coming back to the Jets, and more specifically, Aaron Rodgers. Rodgers threw 3 interceptions against the Vikings… then the coach is fired and now it’s a media circus. Aaron Rodgers is also currently the 21st best QB in the league, by QB rating… I just can’t get over how well run an organization the Green Bay Packers are. They moved off him at the right time and already have their replacement. I just, I watch the Jets and think of how perceptive and intuitive the decision makers in Green Bay are. Props.
A child being good at an instrument “at only 10 years old!” They have nothing else to do. They have summers off.
So, what Kanye was trying to do with the whole "live album" concept in 2016… I think Charli XCX has done that in a far more interesting way with brat and it’s completely different but also still brat. It’s not exactly the same concept, but she’s doing a metatextual evolution of an album that came out 4 months ago and it’s an awesome, enjoyable, artistic ride. 10/10.
"Now you’re starting to piss me off" - Me to the priest in confession when he tells me to repent.
The Green Bay Packers vs. Arizona Cardinals is one of the most "litmus test" matchups of the week for me. Are these teams real contenders in the NFC? Or are they not quite polished enough yet? I’ve got my money on Jordan Love over Kyler Murray and the Cardinals, and I’m excited to see these two face off.
Chickity China, the Chinese chicken / You have a drumstick and your brain stops ticking.
Need the ApplePay version of the saying, "Don’t write checks you can’t cash." Not urgent, but stay on that one please.
God, I miss Aaron Donald.
I like to bake more than I like to cook. And what does that say about me?
Which team will Davante Adams be on come Sunday? [written on October 10th at 4:14pm] I’m not even sure where I’d want him to go, but he’s still a capable and potent WR, so I’d love to see him go to a place that could be in the playoff mix.
The team that’s gonna go all the way is the team that has the most heart. Always is.
“The Hundred Acre Woods” sounds way bigger than it actually is for a ‘woods’. Classic name a kid came up with.
“Calibri is just Arial in a different font, right?” - Me blowing my cover as an undercover Gen Z agent.
Take my money, wreck my Sundays / Love me till your next somebody
Fuckin sing it, Maggie.Does "Tom Brady’s LFG Player of the Game" award need to be a physical award? Even though it’s bestowed upon a player by Tom Brady, is it that much of an honor since it’s fodder for a Fox Sports Digital Exclusive segment? Maybe I’m the odd one out here.
The title track as the last track of the album?
Fuckin sing it, Maggie."Can I speak with your manager?" - Me if Girl Scout cookies raise prices again.
…and if we look at verse-chorus form, in Mandy Moore’s Cry, for example…
Is the hump(s) of a camel like its titties? Meaning, are other camels envious of and attracted to camels hump(s)? Nevermind, I’ll just see what I can find at the library.
It was false hope! The Chargers did NOT heal over the bye week, and things are looking dire. If they fall to the Denver Broncos this week, put a fork in ‘em.
"Sorry, babe, going to be home late. I locked my keys inside the Disney vault."
I may never sprint again. Run, sure. But sprint? Don’t know if I’ll ever need to.
I’m watching Jacksonville to see if Tank Bigsby can definitively take the RB1 spot from Travis Etienne. I’m not sure if this is "Fantasy Football brain," but the running back position seems to be more of a rotating door than ever, which just goes to show how gruelling of a position it is.
OHY, it’s the weekend.