Welp.
Pack it up.
This season is wrapped.
The LA Dodgers are fresh of back-to-back World Series titles and acquired the top free agent in Kyle Tucker, and the top relief pitcher in free agency in Edwin Díaz.
I’m not sure vibes have ever been higher for a team beginning their season, so congratulations Dodgers fans! Enjoy your season! See you all next year!
Okay, now that they’re gone… fuuuuuuuck…… oh my goddddd. I’m so tired. I’m so tired of it. I want to win.
Okay, let me pick myself back up and let’s talk about the 4 ways the rest of us non-Dodgers fans can have fun this season:
1) The Grass
Oh wow! Look at the grass, guys! Look how green it is!
It’s been a long winter, so let’s appreciate how well kept that grass looks.
Take it in. Beautiful.
2) Cheap Eats
If there’s any upside to being a fan of a non-championship team, it’s that at least the food is cheaper.
What’s that? The food’s just as expensive?
Okay, well at least it’s quality food.
What’s that? The food tastes like it was sourced from a water park? And the caloric heft is designed to pause your heart?
Okay. Noted.
3) Name a Pet After a Player on Your Favorite Team
Adopt a pet and name it after one of the players on your favorite team.
It’s an easy way to invest long term into a player’s individual success, rather than the success of your subpar team.
The only way this can go sideways is if the pet dies, the player gets traded, or both the pet and the player are just absolute duds. So, consider that before trying this one.
4) Have Perspective
Um, we could literally die tomorrow. Have you thought about that? Do you know about this? Do you realize how silly that makes all of this? Like, who cares about any of this?!
Sure, it’s fun to watch a winning sports team, but like, again, a crazy person could break down your door right now and take you out with a katana. Everything’s on the table and this life is so precious.
Forget the MLB. Hug your loved ones.