EXCLUSIVE - Who is Bowser, really? A cultural icon as American as yakitori, Bowser has been in our lives for decades, but he’s only just recently showing sides of himself outside of his villain persona.

The last time ASS News sat down with Bowser, he became very defensive against claims of his son being a "nepo baby" and eventually walked out of the interview. So, when we reached out to discuss doing a profile ahead of the release of his new film, The Super Mario Galaxy Movie, Bowser agreed to speak under one condition: we do not bring up his son.

On the morning of the interview, we received a text from Bowser informing us he was to stop by Krispy Kreme doughnuts before arriving at our building and asked if we wanted anything. Though I’m not one for Krispy Kreme doughnuts, I didn’t want to start our interaction on the wrong foot so I took him up on his offer. "That’s very kind of you," I replied. "I’ll take one glazed original please."

Thirty minutes later when Bowser arrived at the office, he was holding a single maple bar. I did not want to inject unnecessary friction into our interview, so I did not ask about the doughnut, but there were clearly games being played by Bowser from the start.

Despite the doughnut-shaped elephant in the room, our conversation was flowing and there were the typical niceties you’d expect in a conversation between two acquaintances.

We discussed his work in the film, how proud he is of his performance and whether or not this might lead to future opportunities, but that’s where the interview took a turn:

ASS News:

“So you wouldn’t exactly turn down Dancing with the Stars-”

Bowser:

“Did you like my son’s performance in the film?”

ASS News:

“Um… yes, I did. I thought he was very good-"

Bowser:

“So he held his own, right? You don’t think he got the part just because he’s my son, right?"

Just like the doughnut mishap from earlier, Bowser was trying to get a reaction out of me. Prior to the interview, he requested his son be off limits, which now in hindsight I see was an attempt to catch us flat footed.

ASS News:

“I’m happy to talk about Bower Jr. if you’d like, I just thought-”

Bowser:

“You just thought. HA. That’s rich."

ASS News:

“Well, look, if you want to go there, the facts speak for themselves: Bowser Jr. would not have the opportunity afforded to him-"

Bowser:

“Oh, shut up! No one cares! He’s good at what he does! And if you thought we were going to sit down and have a nice conversation without me standing up for my son, you were sorely mistaken."

ASS News:

“Okay, I think this has reached its natural conclusion-"

Bowser:

“It’s ‘Original Glazed,’ by the way. Dumbass. Not ‘Glazed Original.’"

At this point, Bowser once again ripped off his mic and stormed out of the room.

While he is an icon and a villain, it’s clear the one role Bowser cares most about is father.

The Super Mario Galaxy Movie opens in theaters on April 1, 2026.

The biggest name in tuna is now the proprietary right of AI giant OpenAI after they officially acquired the rights to StarKist’s tuna mascot, Charlie the Tuna.

The deal comes after an agreement between OpenAI and Disney fell through last week, costing OpenAI a vast library of Disney characters. The AI tech company quickly rebounded with a 3.4 billion dollar deal to acquire the rights to prized fish character, Charlie the Tuna.

The character, familiar to grocery enthusiasts, will now be available for anyone with an OpenAI account to use as they please. When asked for comment, the CEO of OpenAI said, "We’re happy to be the home of the most beloved tuna mascot and believe this is a partnership that makes sense for both sides."

While the acquisition of Charlie the Tuna is a big move in itself, OpenAI users are wondering if they can expect other household names to be added to the OpenAI library soon. "No," said OpenAI’s CEO. "This is it for now."

Taylor Swift’s new album The Life of a Showgirl is out and fans are clamoring for as many physical copies of this thing as they can get.

Swift often sells numerous variants of her albums on vinyl as a way to give her fans the option to choose their favorites, so they can display them while they stream the album on Spotify.

So far, The Life of a Showgirl has eight variants, however, a ninth has just landed on the Taylor Swift store: the “A Bit to the Left” variant.

The new “A Bit to the Left” variant appears to be exactly the same as the original vinyl, but Taylor Swift is positioned a bit to the left on the cover art.

It’s unclear if this was just a batch of misprints or an intentional design choice, but either way, you only have 24 hours to purchase it before it’s gone forever!

BUY! BUY! BUY!

The 77th Primetime Emmy Awards took place last night, and the stars were out!

The winners of the night will have their names in headlines all week, but what about everyone else?

Well, luckily we had someone on the inside all night to hear what the stars were saying. So, without further ado, here are the ASS News blind items (and reveals) from TV’s biggest night:

Blind Item #1

This alliterate A-lister spent the night prefacing each sentence with, "No matter what side of the political aisle you’re on…"

(Sydney Sweeney)

Blind Item #2

This C list host of a beloved game show had one too many Fuzzy Navels and demanded people "Ask [him] anything you want. Don’t be afraid. Ask anything. I’ll have the answer!"

(Ken Jennings)

Blind Item #3

This streaming executive had butter-fingers from the greasy appetizers he ate, causing him to drop his iPhone 17 Pro Max multiple times. "User error," he would say as a joke after each drop.

(Tim Cook)

Blind Item #4

This Emmy winner walked around every afterparty with his chest puffed out, and said, "Nespresso tastes like shit. I’m the main doctor now."

(Noah Wyle about George Clooney)

Blind Item #5

“You know how much travel I do?” this TV host vented. “They take us for granted. The amount of Xanax & Dramamine I consume in a fiscal year…”

(Phil Keoghan / The Amazing Race)

Blind Item #6

This original scream queen wouldn’t stop making the case for the next season of The White Lotus to take place in Israel.

(Jamie Lee Curtis)

Unless you live under a rock1, you’ve likely heard that Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce are engaged to be married!

While it’s an exciting time for the happy couple, the parents of the bride-to-be are experiencing a different array of emotions, chief among them being anxiety.

“THIS WEDDING’S GOING TO BE FUCKING EXPENSIVE! SHIT, SHIT, SHIT!” - Scott Swift, Father

The anxiety clouding their excitement is due to the Swift parents being unsure if they’ll be expected to foot the bill. After all, it is tradition for the bride’s family to pay for the wedding.

While it would be most productive to ask Taylor and Travis directly, the Swift parents have instead been pussyfooting around the issue of who will pay for the wedding, seemingly afraid they will be expected to pay.

“The wedding is likely going to cost a lot of money and neither her father nor I want to ask Taylor if she’s expecting us to pitch in.

We draw sticks everyday to see who has to ask her, and then usually whoever draws the shorter stick just doesn’t talk about it the rest of the day, and so we forget about it and redraw sticks the next day.” - Andrea Swift, Mother

The two parents have started to sneak vague questions into conversation to help them gauge how much the wedding will cost, like:

• “Are you thinking a big wedding, or a more intimate one?”

• “Open bar, right?”

• “Will this event warrant carbon credits?”

Sydney Sweeney is one of the hottest stars around and conservatives were thrilled when she made a commercial with American Eagle touting her “jeans” that determined her hair color and eye color.

While some found the ad to echo eugenics sentiment, conservatives embraced the ad, and its star, for pushing back against “wokeness.”

Sweeney quickly became the most talked about woman on Fox News, and even earned a shoutout from President Trump.

Unfortunately, for Sweeney, not a single conservative has come close to being aware of her upcoming film Eden.

In fact, according to our own ASS News study, we found that the hours of Fox News coverage devoted to Sweeney translated to exactly 0 Eden tickets sold.

We asked some Fox News viewers if they’d heard of the film and here are some of their answers:

AN: “Have you heard of her upcoming film Eden?”

Viewer 1: “Is it on Fox News?”

AN: “Is the film on Fox News? No. No, it’s not.”

AN: Are you aware of what her next project might be, so you can support her?

Viewer 2: I think it’s Dysphoria on Netflix. I’ll have to tune in.

AN: So, will you be seeing her next film, or purchasing American Eagle jeans now?

Viewer 3: No. No, I’ll be sticking with my Wranglers, and I haven’t been to a movie since Braveheart. It all started to go downhill after that.

So, it turns out if you’re an artist or entertainer, conservatives might not be the best audience to count on.

That is, unless your film is on Fox News.

EXCLUSIVE - San Diego Comic Con was this past weekend and ASS News scored an interview with the director of the summer blockbuster hit Superman.

In our interview, the director, James Gunn, gave us a look at what he’s cooking up for Superman 2, including the juicy tidbit that Clark Kent will no longer don his iconic glasses in the sequel, but will instead wear contacts.

According the Gunn, it’s “a shot in the dark” choice to “mix things up” for the sequel.

You can read an excerpt from our interview below:

ASS News: So the glasses… they’re gone?!

James Gunn: Yeah. For sequels, you always have to do new things with suits and looks. Like, maybe the main character has longer hair in this one - stuff like that. So, for Superman I thought it would be cool to give him new eyes.

AN: New eyes? So his whole eyes are replaced?

JG: I don’t know. Contacts, new eyes, I don’t know. We’re making this up as we go. The company said we needed to have something ready for Comic Con, so…

AN: Oh. Are you thinking the eyes are like a new power, like they help with his laser vision, or just purely aesthetic?

JG: Aesthetic. But I can probably work in a Kryptonite defense thing or something. That’s not a bad idea.

AN: Yeah, or maybe his contacts are like mandated by Lois because she knows about his x-ray vision, and so they like block him from looking at other women at work.

JG: Maybe.

AN: Whatever makes the fans screech and cream, right?

JG: I don’t know what that means.

AN: Alright, thank you for your time, Mr. Gunn.

Superman is in theaters now.

On Thursday, the F.C.C. approved the merger between Paramount and Skydance.

The controversial and scrutinized deal comes after a year-long process where some new details are just now surfacing.

One such detail includes a challenge from Brendan Carr, the chairman of the F.C.C., to the Paramount chairwoman where he asked, “So, you want to merge with Skydance? Name 3 Skydance movies.”

After a quiet pause, Carr ramped up the tension, adding, “You’re not a fake fan, are you?”

The Paramount chairwoman, Shari Redstone, collected herself and responded, “Mission: Impossible Dead Reckoning, Mission: Impossible The Final Reckoning-“

“No sequels!” Carr interjected.

You could hear a pin drop.

Redstone didn’t let the pressure get to her, as she continued her response, “Mission: Impossible Dead Reckoning, Spy Kids: Armageddon, and Ryan Reynold’s The Adam Project.”

Carr called the answer “correct” but in a way that sounded as if even he was unsure. “That’ll do it - consider these companies merged!”

Earlier this week the CEO of a tech company was caught getting cozy with his Head of HR on the Jumbotron at a Coldplay concert.

Well, oddly enough, there’s been a second Jumbotron incident this week as a couple from Missouri was caught on a Jumbotron attending, and possibly enjoying, a Jonas Brothers concert.

When they were shown on screen, the happily married couple quickly covered their faces and ducked out of view for shame of attending the show.

The couple has since issued the following statement:

Netflix released a trailer for Stranger Things Season 5, and the fellas are all grown up!

The trailer shows the guys we know and love taking on a new villain: employment.

No more cute summer jobs; these guys are now 22 years old and statistically unemployed.

In one scene in the trailer we see the group appearing to leave a fight with the Demogorgons early to make their appointment at the Hawkins Temp Agency.

That’s the last we see of any monsters in the teaser.

From there on out, the trailer focuses on the guys taking day gigs and even [SPOILER] applying for unemployment benefits.

After fans worried the trailer showed too much, the creators of the show assured that there is plenty more to show of the guys getting employed:

“We promise you’ve only seen the tip of the iceberg.

There’s about 10 more hours of these guys going out for interviews, and possibly… filling out W-2’s.”

Stranger Things Season 5 releases four episodes on November 27, and then another 3 episodes on December 26, and then one final episode on January 1 on Netflix.

We may soon find out the Love Island villa’s maximum capacity as dangerous amounts of bombshells have entered the villa.

What producers are now calling “an emergency” began when the Love Island app crashed, eliminating viewers ability to vote out islanders. However, producers kept sending new bombshells in and now the place is absolutely packed!

One producer described the current state of the villa:

“They say the show must go on, so we kept sending in new bombshells and now we’re up the creek you could say.

We’re running low on sun chips and condoms, so it’s going to get real dicey here if we don’t boot some people soon.”

The vast amounts of bombshells are now affecting the production schedule as well.

While a single challenge typically takes a few hours to film, it’s now costing them the entire day.

“We’re shooting 16, 17 hour days here and the bulk of it is challenges,” said one producer. “The problem is that leaves such little time for them to cultivate love.”

Aside from the production of the show, logistics and spatial efficiency are proving difficult.

In fact, in recent episodes you can spot multiple islanders sleeping in upright positions against a wall due to the lack of beds.

“We really need that app back up and running so we can vote some of these islanders out,” continued the producer. “We’re having to cut around them forming S.O.S. formations in the pool, so time is of the essence.”

We were spoiled last year with an array of fun, hit songs for the summer. However, this year, it’s proving difficult to identify a song of the summer.

So, to help out, we’re pointing you towards 3 songs we believe could be this year’s song of the summer:

3. Ordinary - Alex Warren

If you want a summer of tepid romance, look no further!

Warren’s Ordinary is his first collaboration with mononymous songwriter, CADEN, a sixth grader with an old soul.

The two combine to produce one of the better songs on Netflix’s Love Is Blind, and one of the songs in the running for this year’s song of the summer.

2. Manchild - Sabrina Carpenter

Manchild is the narrative follow up to Carpenter’s 2024 summer hit, Please, Please, Please, so don’t say she didn’t warn you.

The song sounds like summer and hits all the right notes.

We would have it as our number one if it weren’t for…

1. Lucifer’s Prayer - Organized Chaos

Organized Chaos has been on my radar for a bit since, as luck would have it, it’s my step-nephew’s band.

My step-nephew is Mason Trent, the lead singer of the band, and his inspiration for the song comes from the day he was jaywalking and almost got hit by a car.

It’s the perfect song for the summer and the demo is expected to be released by mid-August.

Hear a snippet here:

Hopefully, it’s an ear worm because, full disclosure, I’m a producer on the song by way of donating $5,000 of my own money into my step-nephew’s song.

Mason’s assured me that if the song does 2 million streams, we’re in the green.

So listen to the song of the summer, Lucifer’s Prayer, when it releases in August!

Taylor Swift shared this morning that she has successfully bought back all masters of her music from previous owner, investment firm Shamrock Capitol.

The announcement on her website elated fans, as they have followed the story every step of the way, rooting for Swift to rightfully gain ownership and control of her music.

However, as Taylor Swift fans know, there’s always another layer to her messaging, and some eagle-eyed fans believe they’ve uncovered the cryptic hint:

Taylor Swift’s next album will be the long-rumored Skunk.

Rumors of the Skunk album started as Swift began rerecording her albums in November of 2020.

Fans believed the album would serve as a "nonviolent defense" against Scooter Braun and Ithaca Holdings purchase of her masters, much like a skunk’s spray is a "nonviolent defense."

Skunks are seen as self-sufficient and their unique defense mechanism of spraying is seen as an effective, nonviolent way to protect themselves against predators.

Those similarities were enough to tantalize the hardcore fans, and the "Skunk Theory" was born.

However, years have passed and Swift has released new albums and Taylor’s Versions without any mention of Skunk… until now.

In Swift’s note shared on her website announcing the purchase of her masters, eagle-eyed fans spotted the word "skunk" in the first paragraph, along with the word "this" being spelled with twelve i’s, hinting to her twelfth album:

Fans (eagle-eyed ones) also noticed that about a month ago, the Universal Music Sweden Instagram account shared a video that interviewed the Swedish DJ Nause, where he let it slip that Swedish music producer Erik Arvinder is working with Swift currently on her new album Skunk.

The video was quickly pulled from the account, but eagle-eyed fans grabbed the screenshot below:

Lastly, eagle-eyed fans speculate that since Swift already has two albums in her discography with black and white cover art (Reputation and Folklore), she is due for another because "third time’s the charm."

What album might be suited for a black and white cover art?!

Skunk.

The clues have been laid and eagle-eyed fans have picked them up.

Skunk season is upon us. Get excited!!!

It’s a well known fact that Tom Cruise likes to do his own stunts, and the latest installment of the Mission: Impossible franchise is no exception.

In the newest film, Mission: Impossible - The Final Reckoning, Tom Cruise performs his greatest stunt yet as he dangles off a small plane while being peppered with questions about the disappearance of Shelly Miscavige.

Tom Cruise is our last real movie star, and could possibly also be one of the last real people to see Shelly Miscavige, so having both of those elements at play in this stunt is top tier.

The questions about Miscavige don’t make their way into the final cut, but according to the director of the film, “If you pay close attention during the scene on the plane, you can actually see Tom shake his head ‘no’ in response to some of those questions. Unfortunately, they just didn’t fit within the narrative of our film, so we had to cut them.”

Tom Cruise does these stunts for the fans and the reception has been nothing but positive:

“The stunt was so cool! The way he hung onto the plane while taking on those questions about Shelly Miscavige?! Crazy!”
- Brendan (13)

“This plane/Miscavige stunt was absolutely wild. If someone were asking me about the disappearance of Shelly Miscavige and the culpability of Scientology and David Miscavige, there’s no way I could hang onto that plane!”
- Miriam (52)

Mission: Impossible - The Final Reckoning is in theaters now.

A local man in his 30s is rethinking his political ideology after watching Disney’s new live-action Lilo & Stitch film.

While the man previously identified as “an independent with common sense,” one scene, or lack thereof, from the new Disney film has given him a slight nudge to the right.

The 2002 animated version of the film contains a scene where Lilo hides in a dryer to escape from her sister, Nani. However, Disney later changed the scene in to show Lilo hiding in a cupboard with a pizza box as a "door" to avoid influencing children to hide in dryers.

The local man elaborated on his feelings about the altered scene:

"There’s a lot going on in the world right now, but this is all I can focus on right now.

That’s how ridiculous it is. It’s got me rethinking things."

The omission of the scene sets the man off so much that it’s become a banned topic at his family’s dinner table.

"My family won’t let us talk about it anymore.

Because then I get going and it turns into talking about Jumba’s new accent, and how they left out Captain Gantu, and before you know it we’re talking about U.S. immigration and social safety nets.

So, yeah, we can’t talk about it anymore."

As for the man’s young daughter? She seemed to have a different reaction to the film, saying, "I liked it."

Music festivals can be a great platform to launch (or relaunch) an artist or group, and there’s no music festival more primed for that than Coachella.

As the second weekend of the festival came to a close last night, the artists are now allowed to announce other tour dates, per their contact with Coachella.

Not wasting any time, the group Yo Gabba Gabba - made up of members Muno, Brobee, Foofa, Toodee and Plex - announced their 52-stop stadium tour, which will kickoff in June at SoFi Stadium in Los Angeles.

When asked if the stadium tour could mean a new album is on the way, the manager of the group shot that idea down:

“A new album? Let me guess, you want a surprise album drop? A double album, maybe? Ehhh [mimed jerk-off motion]. Artists today are so far up their own asses with that stuff - that’s never been what Yo Gabba Gabba is about.

Yo Gabba Gabba is an experience, and touring is the name of the game now.

So, if you’ll excuse us, we’re gonna go sell out this tour and ‘Yo Grabba Grabba’ some cash.”

Although tickets are not on sale yet, experts project the tour to do similar numbers to the November 2020 Disney on Ice Tour, just post-COVID.

Tickets go on sale Friday and, per Ticketmaster, should be “readily available.” Ticketmaster also reassured fans the site is “not expected to crash, so be ready to spend.”

The 97th Academy Awards took place in Hollywood last night, and the stars were out!

The winners of the night will have their names in headlines all week, but what about everyone else?

Well, luckily we had feet on the ground all night to hear what the stars were saying. So, without further ado, here are the ASS News blind items (and reveals) from Oscar night:

Blind Item #1

These two singing co-stars were overheard talking about how they’ll get the last laugh when Part 2 of their film releases.

(Karla Sofía Gascón & Selena Gomez / Emilia Pérez 2: Resurgence)

Blind Item #2

This new C list actor had a complete meltdown after the awards and kept mumbling to his A-list girlfriend, “It was better when I was ‘The Sponge’.They respected me when I was ‘The Sponge’.”

(Ethan Slater / Wicked)

Blind Item #3

This In Memoriam inductee haunted the Vanity Fair party all night long, allegedly hitting on any young starlet within a 20 foot radius.

(Winston Bush / Grip)

Blind Item #4

This A-list socialite from a famous family was all over her new B-level partner. But after a heated argument, the two were seen headed for the exits for an early departure.

(Kendall Jenner & Cat from Flow)

Blind Item #5

This Oscar winner kicked Mick Jagger off the stage at an after party to finish the “full version” of his acceptance speech.

(Adrien Brody)

Blind Item #6

This executive of a giant streamer was a frequent visitor at the deviled egg station and if the eggs weren’t ready, he would yell, “Is it Hollywood’s biggest night or not?”

(Ted Sarandos / Netflix)

Blind Item #7

This A-list winner kept telling everyone at the after party, “That El Mal song is actually kind of good. It’s been stuck in my head all night.”

(Zoe Saldaña)

They say choking is easy, but performing CPR is hard.

Well, no need to worry - Noah Kahan just released a new song that will make performing CPR easier than ever!

Don’t be fooled, though: with a BPM (beats per minute) of only 30, you shouldn’t be pacing chest compressions to the beat.

However, with the lyrics of the song, Breathe (Again), Kahan wrote what the American Heart Association calls “the most accurate instructions for CPR we’ve ever heard.”

The Association recommends turning the song on when a friend is choking, or simply memorizing the lyrics, which include:

Driving straight through the light
Barely heard you choking that night

Two hands centered on the chest
Elbows locked, don’t you rest

I push hard, I push fast
Dear, you know that I’m in it

With a rate of compressions
100 per minute

The song is off to a hot start, netting 2 million streams in the first 24 hours of its release.

However, many fans are mixed on life saving song:

Breathe (Again) is out now exclusively on Tidal.

Many believe actor Kieran Culkin has Best Supporting Actor locked up, but don’t tell that to Edward Norton.

To close the gap, Norton appeared on Hot Ones (an interview show where guests eat spicy hot wings) fully in character as Pete Seeger.

It’s rumored that Norton saw his co-star, Timothée Chalamet, perform on Saturday Night Live in character as Bob Dylan and called his agent to see what could be done.

The last minute Hot Ones appearance was what could be done.

During the show, Norton (as Seeger), made his final pitch for the Oscar during the “last dab” segment of the show.

After making it through all nine wings, Norton (as Seeger) arrived at the shows famous “last dab,” and exclaimed, “Well, gosh, I’m gonna do the whole bottle,” before dumping an entire bottle of Taint Plaster Ass Blaster Hot Sauce (a sauce he brought himself) onto his chicken wing.

“For Oscar,” he said before eating the wing.

Not 30 seconds later Norton shit himself and ended the interview.

The 97th Academy Awards airs on ABC on Sunday, March 2nd.

Marvel’s newest film, Captain America: Brave New World, opens in theaters today and there’s a troubling new villain in the MCU.

The character of Elon Musk, who first appeared in Iron Man 2, has reemerged in the film as - you guessed it - a shadow president.

It’s an unlucky break for those of us looking for a 2-hour escape from reality, specifically when at the halfway point there’s a 20-minute scene of a press conference in the Oval Office with Elon Musk and his whispering kid.

The film explains that within the Marvel Cinematic Universe, people had become so distracted by superheroes flying around, that they completely missed the slow oligarchic rise of billionaire, Elon Musk.

President of Marvel Studios, Kevin Feige, commented on the situation:

"It is getting away from the comics a bit, but I think we needed to ground these films in a new way and really make them feel relevant."

The film makes several other attempts at grounding it’s reality in real world politics, including the last lines of the film in which, after defeating Harrison Ford’s Red Hulk character, Captain America says, "Political violence might not be such a bad idea. Maybe Red Hulk was just the tip of the iceberg. Let’s make a list."

Captain America: Brave New World is in theaters now.